How To Lose $3 Billion in 21 Days

Well, banker karma got to me. After the last post which arose from superchronopossession, three deals dropped on my desk at the same time, and closing pretty much one after the other (which was last Friday). Hence the extended absence of tales of Rockett Fuel office shenanigans.

Since the last post, Messrs E Stanley O'Neal and Charles O Prince III (no, the OTHER Charles) will, sadly, be leaving the great ships Merrill Lynch and Citi. In a loving tribute, both were handsomely rewarded as a result of the deft management. If you think it is easy to lose tens of billions of dollars, think about this: you have 24 hours to spend $5 million, and not a cent less, and you can't keep a cent or keep anything you buy with it or make any money out of it. Yes... not so easy to think of how to make $5 million disappear into thin air. It takes a special kind of leader to do the almost-impossible.

But my oh my, aren't we all blessed in our lifetimes to see two high-profile leaders achieve exactly this. That is why, ladies and gentlemen, they will be walking away with roughly $200 million, give or take a lazy few tens of millions. It takes talent, it takes bravado, and unrivalled knack for timing the market (i.e. jumping into high-risk debt and structured products at the exact time they were turning unsustainable). You and your silly quant models could not have timed it any better. Unless you are Bear Stearns.

Why I now dislike redneck unemployed lying useless lazy criminal borrowers even more than I did before (subprime crisis impact - it's PERSONAL)
Keeping it brief due to propensity to cry when thinking about it:
- not happy* with bonus
- not happy* with pay rise
- pay rise actually lower than that offered by competing bank earlier in the year, when I was as green as Link's costume
- making me think... can one actually do a valuation on loyalty, and therefore, did I overvalue it?

* NOTE: gross understatement of the night.
** The irony of my situation, in light of the above take on Wall St maths, is not lost on me. Please do not rub it in by pointing it out.