Why bankers + free time = stupidity

Often, simply saying "I'm an investment banker" is enough to make women (esp at Establishment) swoon... if that's your thing. This list is for the more discerning banker, one who is trying to find a woman who is switched on and "gets it". And there's no better way to test her "getting-it-ness" than to pile on the jargon and see. So here we present the latest Frankenstein lovechild of banker brain power and permanently adolescent humour: banker pick-up lines.

1) Let's correlate.
2) That's not a Capital Market Line in my pocket.
3) No, it's not a Laplace distribution either.
4) I'm a big fan of two-asset models.
5) Only the price-earnings ratio matters, baby... your price, and my earnings.
6) You're already a positive NPV investment. (I've lowered my expected rate of return.)
7) I'd like to be on your efficient frontier.
8) I'll be the alpha, you be the beta.
9) I'm long-only.
10) I'd like to Ctrl + "+" then C if you'll let me.
11) I'm into M&M. No, I'm not talking about the chocolates either.
12) May I toggle your PIKs?
13) You can subordinate me tonight.
14) I'm experienced in long, drawn-out mergers.
15) Baby, you are the market portfolio.


P.S. I like this. "Take a quick look around you right now. If you are surrounded by attractive models, fast cars, and high-quality cocaine, you have a good pickup line. Either that or you are an investment banker, in which case you also probably have syphilis."

P.P.S. I don't have syphilis. Honestly.