When we're not busy...

#1...

CS: "There's an error in the model!" (followed by laughter from ST and CS).
Me: "I thought it was all hardcoded?"
CS: "Yeah... there's a formula in it!"

#2...

ST: "Woo-hoo!"
Me: "Must be good news?"
ST: "My model's working! Wait, what's it doing? Why is it doing that? Dammit!"

#3... (after another late night marathon session with credit executives that goes nowhere)

SM: "That's it, I'm going for a pizza and editing my resume."

#4...

*SMASH*
(Sound of another Blackberry dying an honorable death at the hands of an angry director.)

#5... (after a mandatory fire drill)

HM: "Wow I'm tired after walking down 19 friggin' flights of stairs."
CM: "You fat bastard."

UPDATE: back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back 4.30am finishes are not fun, even more so when the "hard deadline" you were working towards gets moved because your client couldn't get their equity piece in place BEFORE they asked for debt (as most right-minded managers would do). Many Blackberries died last week due to this, please take a moment of silence to commemorate them before we upgrade.

How to kill a deal

Email conversation this week between myself and a client's analyst on a deal. We had told them through the night and into the morning that the $500M+ debt they were looking for was, well, a tad high for a business they had done zero due diligence on, and which they gave us a 2-day deadline for. We said low 300's via securitising the debtors was as good as they can get with what they had given us. They asked us to sharpen our pencils again (who uses pencils these days???). Let's pick up from this point...

Me: "Hi [deal analyst], just checking if we can have a chat to you about the deal this afternoon - if not, let me know what time we can call you."
Analyst: "Is it a discussion about a number with a 5 in front of it?"
Me: "It starts and ends at 5." [Imaginary response I wanted to send back, but out of respect for his boss and mine, I didn't.]

I realise it's a negotiation and everyone's trying to get an upper hand, and maybe I am a bit of a nice guy, but getting lip like that from an analyst (whose fault it was that no due diligence had been done in three weeks) is uncalled for, doesn't improve his negotiating position, and lastly doesn't even answer the question. Did he mean he's not interested in talking if we don't give up 500 big ones? Who are you, Linda Evangelista?

Sometimes it pays to know what your real bargaining position is before you lord it over someone. His boss eventually called up and said they'll take the $300M.

Rockett Trails:
Like the recent (well, for Australia anyway) episode of "Heroes", we go forward in time to see the aftermath of the Blackstone Group's IPO. Hiro Nakamura isn't happy.

In shocking and unexpected news, good times encourage more risk-taking, as evidenced here.

Good primers for CDO's and CLO's, which are helping drive the appetite for riskier debt.

BRW Rich 200

So I finally got around to buying my annual copy of the BRW Rich 200. I think it's terribly unfair that the cutoff has (AGAIN!) been raised, this year to $180M net worth. It was disappointing. I was THIS CLOSE to getting into the list which is within earshot of the list that is on the way to the BRW Sort Of On The Way To Being Somewhat Middle Class 200, which as you know is not far from the Rich 200.

Anyway I got a copy and sent an email out to my colleagues, see if any of them wanted to mentally crucify themselves by reading about the filthy rich. Especially when some on the list are probably less qualified than my Masters-level, CFA-suffering, Excel-accredited peers. Or, that we are more likely to be begging them for deals than they are to beg us to watch their TV network with stupid shows like this one. (Just on this note - wonder what Mr MacKenzie, as the new king of the idiot box, thinks about a show like this... somehow I don't think his Excel model shows a high IRR on it.)

Based on Mr SC's reply to my email invitation, he's already started to feel the pain before seeing the first page:

Me: "Copy of Rich 200 on my desk. Boozy lunch tomorrow will be the perfect opportunity to discuss the increasing gap between the have's and the have-far-too-much's."
Mr SC: "And the have-not-nearly-enough's."

There will be much lobbying for bonuses in the next three months.

PS I've only just caught up with Going Private's latest... I know, shame on me... and as always, EP's dug up some gems...

Number 1: everyone's been really hard on on this poor girl, but when you (presumably) work long hours and have lost all your friends (so sad), what else would you do with your money? Exactly - you too would buy a $3,500 bag and help the poor Chinese 14-year old girl earn her 35 cents. Don't hate her. Just laugh and move on to...

Number 2: "It made me say, 'You know what? This firm has shown a commitment to me. Let me in turn show some commitment to the firm.'" He pauses, a twinkle in his eye. "So this is a merger, if you will - Josh and KPMG." Oh dear God. The accountants think they're special.

News items

I wanted to have a section in my blog where updated news items of relevance to this blog would appear. I tried "newsreel" but it looked kind of ugly - I just want the headlines, not search results. I tried the "shared items" from Google Reader but it doesn't update itself.

Will try and figure out a way of doing this...

CFA Level II Exam

It's the night before the CFA Level II Exam, and I am sitting at home relaxed and blogging.

I decided I won't sit this year's exams. I didn't realise when I enrolled that I would have the job I have now. Needless to say the job meant many late nights, robbing me of precious socialising/drinking time. To maintain work/life balance, I instead maintained my social life and reduced my sleeping hours. However, this turned out to be unsustainable (given my natural tendency to be a morning zombie).

So in order to do the long work hours, maintain a good social life (after all, one must celebrate deals) and still get roughly four hours' sleep per night, I decided I will instead postpone taking the exam. I know, weak. I should hang my head in shame. But I was never great at exams (mainly because of poor study habits). Hopefully having an extra 12 months means I will eventually end up with four weeks to cram rather than the two weeks of cramming I did for Level I.

To my fellow CFA Level II Candidates, all the very best for you. I will see most of you next year (after all, you can't all be in the 36% that annually passes Level II). For those who are smart enough to pass Level II in less than three turns, hats off to you, don't turn into an arrogant jerk!