Urdhva Dhanurasana for dummies (and other news bites)

It has been a while since the last blog, and the start of the market downturn, and I was tempted to give an update on how awesome it is to watch it unfolding, with my entire watchlist bathed in a sea of blood, and me doing my best re-enactment of Warren Buffett's infamous "oversexed guy", having too much to buy and nowhere near enough money to buy them all with.

But lo and behold I pick up the Sunday paper (for the first time in what must be years), and front page is this article, which I decided is funnier to write about. Justin Hemmes, self-proclaimed god of the totally substandard Sydney nightlife and owner of the no. 1 meat market, The Establishment (or "The Stab" as locals quite appropriately call it...), is throwing a hissy fit that the powers-that-be are not performing the Urdhva Dhanurasana so that his $150M new [meat market] hip strip can get its alcohol licence.

Mr Hemmes is "distressed" that he has taken "100% risk" by developing without certainty of being licenced, somehow thinking that just because he sunk his [i.e. the banks'] money into the development that he is therefore entitled to "the dream" of separating sleazy drunks and their cash. Mr Hemmes' stakeholder relations strategy is interesting, and will likely make for at least a hilarious case study at a local second-tier MBA program. He first pleads with the police not to "stamp out the dream" and then tells them exactly what they should be doing instead of policing the regular alcohol-related problems on George St: "government bodies such as the police should be bending over backwards to help innovative and creative developments." Instant classic.

Anyway, after I wiped up the milk that came out of my nose from laughing after reading that quote, I managed to find a few other, more worthy, articles:

Ms Gail Kelly wins the Westpac chief teller job. Well done (and that wasn't a sarcasm-laced congratulatory remark, either). This means the mighty red-and-white will be headless (much like their football team, really).

Exclusive from Rockett Fuel: Westpac takes over St George Bank. It must be crossing Ms Kelly's mind every ten seconds. They don't even have to change corporate colours! You know I'm right.

Talk about picking the top of the market to sell: check out when RAMS Home Loans (ASX: RHG) listed at $2.50 a couple of weeks ago and how it's gone since. There will be a few PE firms who are ecstatic about NOT buying an asset. The question is, did management see their fate in the tea leaves before they listed, and knowing how hard it would be to refinance their $6B warehousing loans in the ailing credit markets in a few months, decided to sell up?

UPDATE: in another "exclusive interview", NSW Police Commissioner Ken Moroney denies all reports that the NSW Police's lagging performance in their core [in]competency is leading them to diversify into property development, as may have been implied by Mr Hemmes' comments. The Commissioner states that Sydney's egotistas have a competitive advantage in this area and believe the industry (and the Police business model) is better served by maintaining status quo.

For next blog: how much money I lost by being cash-strapped during a stock market correction.

SECOND UPDATE!! Congratulations to everyone who passed their CFA exams (especially Level 2). I will see the rest of you next year hehe.